Monday, December 31, 2007
Infamous 60's rocker self proclaimed "Lizard king" Jim Morrison, believed that the body was the soul's prison unless the five senses were fully developed and open.He considered the senses the 'windows of the soul' and that 'our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us.'
I find inspiration to be one of the most beautiful sensual experiences a person can go through..
To me inspiration is creation.
A chance conversation with a random stranger...the colour of the sky at dusk...a simple golden leaf in the midst of a pile of colours in the autumn...or a still winter night blanketed by softly falling snowflakes..a special era in time...a page turning book...an unexpected encounter with life...or the materialization of a dream before your eyes...all lead to different forms of creation...because no matter where or how busily immersed in lifes routine...a sudden epiphany stops us in our tracks and opens your soul...
I like to think we are all artists at heart...we articulate ourselves in different ways...the writer portrays humanity...the designer creates dreams...the surgeon heals artistically...the musician relays universal depths of emotion..and interestingly enough although we may get inspired by the same musings we coexist differently through the imaginary lines between us that paradoxically join us together in the recesess of our minds.
2007 was an inspiring year for me especially towards its end when I was least expecting it and it came as a lovely surprise in one gorgeous bubble...I learnt that planning ahead gets you far to a certain extent but the unknown brims with twists and turns that keep you on your toes and sometimes changes the course of your path forever..
This is why Im not making any resolutions this year..because as the final day of December draws to a close, I feel that life for me has come full circle...sure I have plans but better than that, Im throwing my arms wide open to embrace the unexpected everyday..Afterall, the fire that fuels is an open soul...and I cant wait :)
May This New year bring you all the treats and wishes that your heart desires...may it let you jump into fantabulous experiences and special memories to last you a lifetime...Heres to new beginings..BubblyCheers and Happy New Year xoxo
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
And then we get there.
We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still.
The expected's just the beginning...The unexpected is what changes our lives."
And finally just when I thought things could not get any better...The chapter begins..
"Theres a passion within that motivates and inspires us to be driven towards accomplishing our dreams goals desires whatever...." I looked up at him intently...."Surgery has been the love of my life Professor".
The next thing I heard was so unexpected that it came to me as a revelation...the feeling of a moment of greatness..Ive never been more humbled by somebodys words yet overwhelmed with awed anticipation at the same time..
Since Ive been appointed (omg surreal =))))))) the enthusiasm has been bubbling to bursting point all week....I love my patients in my old dermatology department and the rapport Ive established with them over the last few months happened so quickly...Whilst I was away on vacation the receptionist surprised me by informing me that they refused to see other doctors and waited until I got back...and lol I got the sweetest welcome...
To me thats priceless...its the best feeling in the world when you know that youve succeeded in getting your patients to trust you not just with the disease itself but in opening up to me about their lives...asking for my opinion on matters that werent related to my specific department because they know my solid belief in taking the time to listen, educate and explain whilst treating them and going out of my way with pleasure to make sure that at the end of the day Ive given each one of them 100% , so whether that requires me to seriously piss off Senior Consultant histolab guys ego when I asked for a second opinion on his very evasive diagnostic report on a patient that was stated to have query skin cancer for two years (wtf is that?!!) just to put the poor patient out of his misery then Ill do it....or be honest about better and more effective treatment options available elsewhere too then Ill do that too..at the end of the day its a responsibility and as much as I hated working there in the begining things became better because now I get to practice my favourite art in the world.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Its been almost a week since I arrived...I was going through some of my entries in my personal diary and I shake my head in disbelief at how much things have changed mashalla...its been quite a trip...2007 has by far been one of my most enlightening journeys..
Its one thing to experience life outside of your own fishbowl and quite another to live it in that glass..the best part is that like a spectrum of extremes Ive been from one end to another and today I find myself in a zen like state of mind...Ive reached my balance..Life couldn't get any better than it is right now.
My thoughts have materialized into a definite plan...Ive already chosen my new years resolutions carefully and am embracing what's to come...I know the new year will bring so many unexpected surprises and that's what Ive loved about life...you honestly never know what state of mind you will wake up to tomorrow...just when I thought the end of this year was drawing to a close, the winter breeze blew in some stunningly beautiful magic in so many forms into the past month that changed absolutely everything..restoring my faith in life and in my recent decisions as well as grounding me to reflect on the multitude of blessings and chances that I find in my way every single day...Nyxx put it well..everyday you wake up is another chance to pray.
I believe its also another chance to love...to embrace...to take whats with you..shed your skin and morph into another more fantabulous you =)
I leave you with a woman who has morphed over the span of her twenty year career and who began to shed her skin while dealing with the difficult death of Micheal Hutchence lead singer for INXS who was her lover and mentor...shes faced adversity in the public eye which I think is one of the hardest things to cope with..managed to bounce back every time and is one of the sweetest scandal free women in the industry..Ive been a fan of her music since her first release in 1988 and this is a tribute to her new album "X" that was released last week in london and is already creating a storm especially in my car lol.
This is her first album after her imminent struggle with breast cancer and her much publicized break up after a 4 year relationship with french beau Oliver Martinez.
In the debut song "2hearts" she morphs into the role of reprising Marilyn Monroe and she looks fantabulous!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth, boil and bubble.
Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
—by William Shakespeare—
Friday, October 12, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
"It's about having the posture to hold your chin up, to raise your eyes to something higher, looking up in life."
When you believe-Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston
The world gives you so much...and it takes away even more.
Destiny has the strangest way of bringing you to terms with yourself...the closest you get to something..its not the same.
My spirit exists in my solitude.
I am not my memories...I am my dreams.
Now..be alone...blast it full on and prepare to lose your senses.
Its really an experience to sit back and let your mind go anywhere it wants without conforming to the lyrics
set by the singer...its creativity unleashed at its best when more than a dozen people can hear the same song and their souls react to it so similarly yet their minds so different...thats the magic of Schiller...
Schiller is a journey...and listening to him is your own personal journey...wherever you subconsciously choose to set your spirit free...the tone of his voice...the powerful music and the background bass all are with you...unlike mainstream music...you lead the music with your thoughts.
Schiller is the brainchild of Christopher Von Deylen, an electronic/new age artist from Berlin.
Soothing new age melodies combine a diverse mix of rythms,cultures and emotions with ethnic instrumentation, exotic vocals and futuristic synthesizers to deliver an exotic blend of world/new age music with fine hints of European trance...embarking you on a journey that sets you free.
This is serenity at its best...Let it's reality engulf you.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Shes gone solo and I love her quirky eclectic Debut video with a seriously tongue-in-cheek portrayal of the depth of her meanings.
Roisin Murphy Overpowered
Ive been so proud of how I taught myself how to do this...I feel like Im on my way to being a TechnoBlonde no more :( <------I think the titles ubercute :)Theres another one by her...a flashback to the 80's called "Let me know" that follows after.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
My rabbit fur lined Chanels and my Jackie O barrier from the world for my cold winter walks.
Afternoon bubbly baths with the vintage classics
I grew up in London...one of the fashion capitals of the world in the presence of one of the most stylish woman of her time...my mother..who taught me all the secrets of how do the French say it..the je' ne sais quoi?
She in turn had inherited her love of elegance and understated glam from my grandmother who still rules in my heart as the true definition of a woman.
The epitome of grace...modesty..elegance and the most inspirational woman that I have ever come across..Im truly blessed to be a part of her legacy...She used to glide around her house in beautiful silk dresses and a soft cloud of perfume that left the faintest trail of a whisper in the wake of her presence as her tall slim figure stood still...She instilled in me an eternal love affair with Chanel and taught me lessons on life...love and men..and the most important of all...How to be a self posessed woman.
I remember last year before she died when she was in the hospital...she looked at me and asked me to fetch her lipstick...and thats how she was.
I really miss her and wish that she would be here now...I need her advice..I need her inspirational facts...Being her firstgrandaughter...she was at the delivery room with mom that day...she picked me up and carried me into my mothers arms...that special bond between us continues to all eternity...This ramadan I sent lots of love and prayers to her...because she still lives in me..everyday.
Frank Sinatra 'Witchcraft' (Play from 00:58 seconds)
I genuinely believe you cannot acquire true class or style...either youre born with it or youre not...Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis...Coco Chanel...Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly..are those who came from different backgrounds but since the early years showed their innate sense of individuality and elegance..I love them because I relate to their style...growing up they inspired me..You have to be passionate about being a feminine creature to be able to exude your personality through your clothes...your poise...the words you choose to articulate...and inject it into your work and the causes you believe in.
Jacqueline Kennedy single-handedly turned the stuffy White House into its best years...she revolutionized fashion in America when first ladies before her did nothing to inspire the country's ladies...anything Jackie would wear the rest of the world followed...and although she was not allowed to wear french couture due to political reasons..she used to sneak the Diors and Chanels in from france..and work with her designer Oleg Cassini to give them a twist and claim them as his....although she wore many of his stunning gowns countless times.
Her resilience and dignity through Kennedys philandering ways throughout their marriage by being her own person as well as how she brought the whole mourning nation together by maintaining her own regal composure during his death all taught me by example the strength and grace of a beautiful soul.
Coco Chanel grew up in an orphanage creative and defiant.She revolutionized the world of fashion forver...Created the iconic Little Black Dress...Her Pearls and costume jewellery and the infamous classic 2.55 named so because of its launch in Feburary 1955...when you hold a bag today you are holding history...the secret pocket in the outside is where Coco used to hide her secret love letters from lovers the and chain reminded her of the chains on the bicycles in the orphanage.
Chanel No.5 revolutionized the world of perfume..when asked where to aplly it...Coco said "a perfume should only be placed where you would like to be kissed"...and When Marilyn Monroe was asked what she wore to bed she breathily replied..."Only Chanel No.5"..
Audrey Hepburn is the quirky part of me...I love her simple carefree spirit to life...her chic sophistication...her simple elegance and her optimism...when told she had cancer she replied...is that all? She was a great philanthropist and worked for the International Childrens Relief organization UNICEF passionately...she worked in the field...nursed sick children and reported on the suffering she saw in countries like Somalia.
Grace Kelly, like Jackie and Audrey continued to set the standard exemplifying what a real lady is about...She was an actress in Hollywood and starred in 11 movies before Her husband Prince Rainier of Monaco saw her and married her...She became Princess Grace of Monaco and her dress was simply stunning..She inspired Hermes to create a bag for her that she used to hide her first pregnancy..the Kelly bag is one of the most lusted in the world...its youthful...classy and on my wishlist for 2008 lol.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
Another place...another time...another me.
Quite a while since Ive gotten back but yet I still feel out of my element...more like from the outside looking in.
I am glad to be home..Im glad for stability and newfound 'normalness'..I was hoping that I could create dreams and take my part in the world...I want to be the best surgeon that I can be...what began as a new adventure of hopes and dreams at work ended up in being the very bane of my existance and crippling me both as a person and a physician..I hope one day to help give professionalism a voice in an unprofessionally appalling system that thrives on a sick sink or swim basis and to each his own...Im tired of it of it all...I finally threw in the towel and decided to resign...So far...best decision of my life...
On a personal level...Although Ive never believed in the word cant...Ive tried and tried so hard to fit in and I just cant...literally Im a fish out of water..I miss diversity...I miss the thrill of feeling alive...I miss intellectual discussions...more precisely common sense...I miss tolerance and acceptance..I miss fun challenging experiences that allowed me to get to know myself better by allowing me to push my boundaries...you cant understand people until you know yourself...you cant function as a person unless youre a hundred percent honest with who you are and what you are...and you cant have peace of mind until youve accepted yourself and made peace with the whole package...the good...the bad...the ugly...because from that point on striving to be a better person becomes easier...youre equipped and able to handle the unexpected choices and challenges that life throws your way.
Its been daunting...some days I feel like Im disappearing...I dont want to get out of bed and Im not feeling so bubbly...I just want to hit the pause button and stand still in time...other days I think to myself like a mantra...baby steps...baby steps...theres some shiny rainbow that will appear and bring back all the magic that I used to see life through...as naive as it may seem..I still wont believe in cant...
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
My favourite poet in cyberspace...one of my favourite bestests..Meyam...ubertalented...uberfunny..and gets me like nobodys business...no judgement...just fun..lots of laughter and lots of her sassy no-nonsense attitude to life.
I adore Meyams poetry...and although my poetry has remained very private over the years..I gave in to the urge in me to immediately reply back one night...here is our collaboration...
Help me understand this rollercoaster ride..of never ending madness you planted one inside....never did you tell those around me of your crime...i sometimes wish you had hands that drip of aided suicide....a face i'd recognize before the shake of hands....a walk around the city of Heartbreak... before the neighboring lands.... love if i were you i would seal the perfect deal....with a warning before attempt; hearts should be made of steel.
Hearts indeed should be made of steel...numbness I wish to only feel..contradiction burns whats lost not found...Memories moments cocoon surround..Love..you haunt before sunrise..bring my senses back to life...will it fade will it rest..words and walls...no more pretence.
One of the most profound moments we go through are the moments we realize we lose...a state of being which forces us to question so much and reflect on the could be's and maybe's...I let go of a part of myself that could not be reclaimed because I didnt own it...its out there somewhere on its own....I believed in it and I still do...not in its outcome..but in its strength...its uncanny ability to stay put together even when my faith in it wavered...its given me resilience when I needed it...given me hope when I never realized that I had lost it...dispelled all my preconceived notions about how I thought I should be...gifted me with the most fantabulous times Ive ever had..and I decided to allow that happiness to enrich life by setting it free.
We all think each and every part of us belongs to us but thats not true...everyday we give parts of ourselves to others...our thoughts...our feelings...our patience...our time...we pass on lessons...we learn lessons..we create moments within our families...our friends...our workplace...sometimes those things stay with you...other times when its for a worthier cause you choose to let them go.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
How you manage your pain is up to you.
We anesthetize..write it out...embrace it...ignore it.And for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it...
You just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it, and life always makes more."
Strength...often the knowledge that youre strong is what makes close ones take comfort in the fact that you'll be okay...sometimes thats a good thing...and sometimes...nothing in this world can make you feel more alone...
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Also interestingly is the book "The spiral staircase; My climb out of darkness" by renowed neosprituallyreligious author Karen Armstrong who gives readers a stunningly poignant account about the nature of spiritual growth.
Monday, August 20, 2007
I miss the snow...growing up there'd always be snow every winter and Id press my nose to the window as a child waiting for mom to go upstairs so that I could run off in the night and see if the snowman we built that day would come alive with magic....
I always wanted to grow up so that noone would ever tell me when to go to bed...here I am...wishing I had that childhood back...wishing those dreams and stories and fairytales really were true...when all wasnt well we would hide into our beds under the covers to a lullaby...
As adults we have the voices of our thoughts in the silence of another insomniac night..
Here are my memoirs...
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
I cant think of anything that perpetuated my romantic notions more than Shakespeare..Back in school I loved his sonnets..his poetry...his work..he fueled all idealistic fantasies in a very realistic world. I came to discover that passion was my secret to life...It helped me channel all my energy into doing all the things I believed in...allowed me to stand up for the causes I felt were worth fighting for and got me in loads of trouble countless times.. Passionate people are also very impulsive and thats a lethal combination. It didnt stop me...and I never learned...interestingly in the worst of times when Id be in the middle of some catastrophe..I realized he was right 'Though this be madness,yet there is method in 't '...I found out so much about myself...I questioned and I reflected...What I gained spiritually was worth the price I had paid...made the light shine a bit brighter and propelled me to carry on... Its so easy to take the safe route...stay in the safe zone and blend in...I did that alot after moving back here...So worried about the intensity of passion I had in me...didnt want to be misunderstood and labelled by my own..figured that I was doing the right thing...and convinced myself that I was now an adult starting a fresh page with a scheduled life...and that accepting that would be for the best.. 'Cowards die many times before their deaths'...It couldnt ring more true..honesty is not with other people...its with yourself...It took one incident to turn my world upside down and realize that everything Ive been striving for led me off the path that Id written for myself...I wasnt being true to myself...and in turn I'd always feel empty inside...By my own standards I had failed miserably... The path to greatness isnt that of achieving recognition...it isnt that of having material wealth...its a feeling of completeness. Its a connection..with yourself and the world around you...its showing courage when you least feel like it..its being true to the core and unleashing your passion to pave your own way..
Monday, March 12, 2007
I look into my coffee cup and stare at the glossy black liquid steaming in front of me...I watch the wisps of smoke come out and crawl up into the atmosphere slowly..delicately...stretching out into the air like a cat unfurling on its cushion...only to disappear quietly leaving behind its unmistakeable heady aroma to diffuse through the room as I write down my thoughts...before I absentmindedly comfort myself with another sip of my bitter drink lost in my own world..
I feel like Ive stepped out of my comfort zone...Im in a territory thats so new but so familiar at the same time...reminescent of days gone by...If I believed in it then I would think of it as a reincarnation of another time...another place...karma bringing me back full circle to discover what truth?..That I have yet to know...
The dreams we have are always different than reality...sometimes our dreams are divine creations from our innermost wishes...and sometimes reality surpasses our wildest expectations and makes all that we've ever believed in worth living for..And sometimes whats more important in life as we go through it is just having something to hold on to and hope for..
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Excerpted from PinkChampagne's personal diary.
Interestingly complex..Life..in all its forms.
Interestingly intimate..Trust...Trust in a person...Trust is trusting that.
Interestingly Strange...The what ifs...knowing nothing...but still...
Wonder....Those who look for love even though they are convinced it doesnt exist. Reflection...Memories..Moments...private times that stay etched in the mind.
Nostalgia..Days gone by...lost memories of carefree nonchalance..innocent youthful arrogance..butterflies and heady anticipation.
Resilience...going to hell and back and standing on the other side.
Fact..Some are meant to be alone..always on the outside looking in..finding a niche when they realize they are their own best friends.
Truth..The heart cant be healed..Time doesnt heal..it teaches how to cope better.
Bittersweet...The place in time..the sanctuary that may be..but cant be...too raw to visit..
Denial..blocking and immunizing...allowing it all to fade away with the ashes of the past...becoming weary days and nights of solitude that pass into dreamless slumber.
Courage...When life takes a very different path...the unknown...because you cant go back to the path you once knew.
Spirit...when you cant go back to your safeground because youve changed...