Muse

Inspiration comes in many unexpected forms.
Infamous 60's rocker self proclaimed "Lizard king" Jim Morrison, believed that the body was the soul's prison unless the five senses were fully developed and open.He considered the senses the 'windows of the soul' and that 'our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us.'
I find inspiration to be one of the most beautiful sensual experiences a person can go through..
To me inspiration is creation.
A chance conversation with a random stranger...the colour of the sky at dusk...a simple golden leaf in the midst of a pile of colours in the autumn...or a still winter night blanketed by softly falling snowflakes..a special era in time...a page turning book...an unexpected encounter with life...or the materialization of a dream before your eyes...all lead to different forms of creation...because no matter where or how busily immersed in lifes routine...a sudden epiphany stops us in our tracks and opens your soul...
I like to think we are all artists at heart...we articulate ourselves in different ways...the writer portrays humanity...the designer creates dreams...the surgeon heals artistically...the musician relays universal depths of emotion..and interestingly enough although we may get inspired by the same musings we coexist differently through the imaginary lines between us that paradoxically join us together in the recesess of our minds.
2007 was an inspiring year for me especially towards its end when I was least expecting it and it came as a lovely surprise in one gorgeous bubble...I learnt that planning ahead gets you far to a certain extent but the unknown brims with twists and turns that keep you on your toes and sometimes changes the course of your path forever..

This is why Im not making any resolutions this year..because as the final day of December draws to a close, I feel that life for me has come full circle...sure I have plans but better than that, Im throwing my arms wide open to embrace the unexpected everyday..Afterall, the fire that fuels is an open soul...and I cant wait :)

May This New year bring you all the treats and wishes that your heart desires...may it let you jump into fantabulous experiences and special memories to last you a lifetime...Heres to new beginings..BubblyCheers and Happy New Year xoxo

Destination Vertical

"No one believes that their life will turn out just kind of okay...We all think we are going to be great. And from the day we decide to be surgeons, we are filled with expectation. Expectations of the trails we will blaze, the people we will help, the difference we will make. Great expectations of who we will be, where we will go.
And then we get there.
We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still.
The expected's just the beginning...The unexpected is what changes our lives."

And finally just when I thought things could not get any better...The chapter begins..

He asked me why I wanted to be a surgeon?
"Theres a passion within that motivates and inspires us to be driven towards accomplishing our dreams goals desires whatever...." I looked up at him intently...."Surgery has been the love of my life Professor".
The next thing I heard was so unexpected that it came to me as a revelation...the feeling of a moment of greatness..Ive never been more humbled by somebodys words yet overwhelmed with awed anticipation at the same time..

Since Ive been appointed (omg surreal =))))))) the enthusiasm has been bubbling to bursting point all week....I love my patients in my old dermatology department and the rapport Ive established with them over the last few months happened so quickly...Whilst I was away on vacation the receptionist surprised me by informing me that they refused to see other doctors and waited until I got back...and lol I got the sweetest welcome...
To me thats priceless...its the best feeling in the world when you know that youve succeeded in getting your patients to trust you not just with the disease itself but in opening up to me about their lives...asking for my opinion on matters that werent related to my specific department because they know my solid belief in taking the time to listen, educate and explain whilst treating them and going out of my way with pleasure to make sure that at the end of the day Ive given each one of them 100% , so whether that requires me to seriously piss off Senior Consultant histolab guys ego when I asked for a second opinion on his very evasive diagnostic report on a patient that was stated to have query skin cancer for two years (wtf is that?!!) just to put the poor patient out of his misery then Ill do it....or be honest about better and more effective treatment options available elsewhere too then Ill do that too..at the end of the day its a responsibility and as much as I hated working there in the begining things became better because now I get to practice my favourite art in the world.

Ive never felt more at home in a hospital than in the O.R..its an adrenaline rush I can't describe..learning new techniques and being challenged and inspired by some of the most professionally brilliant surgeons around...

Surgeons are another breed...we're neurotic...we're perfectionists and we are dedicated individuals with so many different fascinating and interests and activities in our own world.

I head off to London once more soon (yesssssssssssssssssssssssss!) to take my Basic Surgical skills course and I have so many things to do after that...its going to be a fantabulous year inshalla.

Things cant get any better than this. Life is good.

Metamorphosis

Its been almost a week since I arrived...I was going through some of my entries in my personal diary and I shake my head in disbelief at how much things have changed mashalla...its been quite a trip...2007 has by far been one of my most enlightening journeys..
Its one thing to experience life outside of your own fishbowl and quite another to live it in that glass..the best part is that like a spectrum of extremes Ive been from one end to another and today I find myself in a zen like state of mind...Ive reached my balance..Life couldn't get any better than it is right now.
My thoughts have materialized into a definite plan...Ive already chosen my new years resolutions carefully and am embracing what's to come...I know the new year will bring so many unexpected surprises and that's what Ive loved about life...you honestly never know what state of mind you will wake up to tomorrow...just when I thought the end of this year was drawing to a close, the winter breeze blew in some stunningly beautiful magic in so many forms into the past month that changed absolutely everything..restoring my faith in life and in my recent decisions as well as grounding me to reflect on the multitude of blessings and chances that I find in my way every single day...Nyxx put it well..everyday you wake up is another chance to pray.
I believe its also another chance to love...to embrace...to take whats with you..shed your skin and morph into another more fantabulous you =)

I leave you with a woman who has morphed over the span of her twenty year career and who began to shed her skin while dealing with the difficult death of Micheal Hutchence lead singer for INXS who was her lover and mentor...shes faced adversity in the public eye which I think is one of the hardest things to cope with..managed to bounce back every time and is one of the sweetest scandal free women in the industry..Ive been a fan of her music since her first release in 1988 and this is a tribute to her new album "X" that was released last week in london and is already creating a storm especially in my car lol.
This is her first album after her imminent struggle with breast cancer and her much publicized break up after a 4 year relationship with french beau Oliver Martinez.
In the debut song "2hearts" she morphs into the role of reprising Marilyn Monroe and she looks fantabulous!

Halloween

The Witches' Spell

Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth, boil and bubble.
Double, double, toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
—by William Shakespeare—

Let tonight weave a spell on you...meet vampires..ghosties and things that go bump in the night...

Rent your favourite classic and kickstart the creepy evening..

Bubblywishes for the sexiest and spookiest Halloween ever...

Kel 3am wintu b5air....Bubblybest wishes and loads of love to all xxx

Snow Queen

Summertime has always been one of the most tempermental times of the year for me...with the first warm breeze that sweeps into the city, invading it to billow into a full on blast furnace comes change...

Over the years Ive learned to accept the changes that come with this time...like the seasons of the year...passionate..growing...dying...blooming...the transformations that sweep into my life run their course like a flowing river that cannot be stopped..Ive learned not to interfere with mother nature...I go with the flow and no matter how much I want to step in...I understand that although you do you have control over your life...you have no control over what comes into it...when it comes to destiny, it is futile to not accept your limitations.

Rewind to a warm June afternoon..Sitting in one of my regular lunch hangouts absentmindedly twirling a strand of my hair, contemplating upcoming weekends plans and debating over whether I should have pasta or the healthier option of another boring salad, I waited with a classmate for a friend of mine to pick up an acquaintance of hers and join us.

As Sophie Ellis was singing in the background about murder and dancefloors my classmate randomly aknowledged the door with a nod of her head just in time for me to look up and see my friend walk in towards the table with her acquaintance, who swept in like a hurricane towards us...and all of a sudden I felt a completely changing dynamic in the atmosphere.

Dressed head to toe in cream holding a black purse in her hand, her hair swung nonchalantly over her shoulders...I sensed an imposing aura of self assuredness and something else I couldnt seem to place my finger on..something that just rubbed me the wrong way...surrounded by an elusive air of authority..the only touch of defiance...colour, was her red lipstick..I took one look at it and balked...

I was almost 23 years old at the time and was going through a myriad of phases that summer in the aftermath of a metamorphosis that had me examining and questioning myself and life more deeply...

Armed with the arrogance of youth I was in the midst of my quest to find answers for all the confusion I was feeling about what life really meant...I held pure contempt for any notion of the words authority and restraint and was torn in the realm of being in a world that I wanted so much to understand but yet not conform to at the same time..I stepped out of my comfort zone and found myself in foreign territory.

I was going through my rebellious phase.

Worldy and sophisticated, she represented everything I wanted to grow into at the time...She had all the answers, held her own and seemed always in control.

I was fascinated and repelled at the same time...I didnt want to associate with her for fear of being tainted in some way by her worldliness and thus bursting my own bubble...Her reality was too realistic for an idealist like me...I was happy manipulating life in my own way..my thrill-seeking freespirited devil-may-care attitude to life had me believing that the world was my oyster and that I was invinscible.

We disliked each other immediately.

We ended up being the best of friends.

Its been five years since that summer afternoon...Words cant begin to describe what a journey its been...I think in the span of all these years we've lived a million lives...gone through so much and Ive really been blessed to have her constant presence in my life...shes been the wisest person Ive ever known...my mentor and inspiration...in her youth lies an old soul thats never failed to persevere...I thank her for being a sanctuary to my innermost thoughts...for allowing me to do what I needed to without judgement and for never making it easy by giving me the answers...rather she let me find my own way...its been laughter and insanity and fantabulous memories.

Heres to you...a toast of bubbly cheers your way...May this year make you wiser sssexier and closer to your dreams than ever...Happy Birthday NJ xxx

Believe

"What is it about the sky that intrigues you?"
"It's about having the posture to hold your chin up, to raise your eyes to something higher, looking up in life."

When you believe-Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston



The world gives you so much...and it takes away even more.
Destiny has the strangest way of bringing you to terms with yourself...the closest you get to something..its not the same.
My spirit exists in my solitude.
I am not my memories...I am my dreams.
Believe.

Dream of you

"I Feel You" and the second video "Dream Of You" will play consecutively after each other.
Now..be alone...blast it full on and prepare to lose your senses.



Its really an experience to sit back and let your mind go anywhere it wants without conforming to the lyrics
set by the singer...its creativity unleashed at its best when more than a dozen people can hear the same song and their souls react to it so similarly yet their minds so different...thats the magic of Schiller...

Schiller is a journey...and listening to him is your own personal journey...wherever you subconsciously choose to set your spirit free...the tone of his voice...the powerful music and the background bass all are with you...unlike mainstream music...you lead the music with your thoughts.

Schiller is the brainchild of Christopher Von Deylen, an electronic/new age artist from Berlin.
Soothing new age melodies combine a diverse mix of rythms,cultures and emotions with ethnic instrumentation, exotic vocals and futuristic synthesizers to deliver an exotic blend of world/new age music with fine hints of European trance...embarking you on a journey that sets you free.

This is serenity at its best...Let it's reality engulf you.

Overpowered

Roisin Murphy...you probably remember the cute blonde with the cutest voice as lead singer of Moloko that produced the sssexiest house music ever...
Shes gone solo and I love her quirky eclectic Debut video with a seriously tongue-in-cheek portrayal of the depth of her meanings.
Roisin Murphy Overpowered
Ive been so proud of how I taught myself how to do this...I feel like Im on my way to being a TechnoBlonde no more :( <------I think the titles ubercute :)Theres another one by her...a flashback to the 80's called "Let me know" that follows after.
Seriously...enjoy :)

Iconic women

Curling in this weekend with Audrey Hepburn and Princess Grace Kelly

My rabbit fur lined Chanels and my Jackie O barrier from the world for my cold winter walks.



lol! PeekaBoo



Afternoon bubbly baths with the vintage classics

I grew up in London...one of the fashion capitals of the world in the presence of one of the most stylish woman of her time...my mother..who taught me all the secrets of how do the French say it..the je' ne sais quoi?
She in turn had inherited her love of elegance and understated glam from my grandmother who still rules in my heart as the true definition of a woman.
The epitome of grace...modesty..elegance and the most inspirational woman that I have ever come across..Im truly blessed to be a part of her legacy...She used to glide around her house in beautiful silk dresses and a soft cloud of perfume that left the faintest trail of a whisper in the wake of her presence as her tall slim figure stood still...She instilled in me an eternal love affair with Chanel and taught me lessons on life...love and men..and the most important of all...How to be a self posessed woman.

I remember last year before she died when she was in the hospital...she looked at me and asked me to fetch her lipstick...and thats how she was.

I really miss her and wish that she would be here now...I need her advice..I need her inspirational facts...Being her firstgrandaughter...she was at the delivery room with mom that day...she picked me up and carried me into my mothers arms...that special bond between us continues to all eternity...This ramadan I sent lots of love and prayers to her...because she still lives in me..everyday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCBn04DTCHc
Frank Sinatra 'Witchcraft' (Play from 00:58 seconds)

I genuinely believe you cannot acquire true class or style...either youre born with it or youre not...Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis...Coco Chanel...Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly..are those who came from different backgrounds but since the early years showed their innate sense of individuality and elegance..I love them because I relate to their style...growing up they inspired me..You have to be passionate about being a feminine creature to be able to exude your personality through your clothes...your poise...the words you choose to articulate...and inject it into your work and the causes you believe in.

Jacqueline Kennedy single-handedly turned the stuffy White House into its best years...she revolutionized fashion in America when first ladies before her did nothing to inspire the country's ladies...anything Jackie would wear the rest of the world followed...and although she was not allowed to wear french couture due to political reasons..she used to sneak the Diors and Chanels in from france..and work with her designer Oleg Cassini to give them a twist and claim them as his....although she wore many of his stunning gowns countless times.
Her resilience and dignity through Kennedys philandering ways throughout their marriage by being her own person as well as how she brought the whole mourning nation together by maintaining her own regal composure during his death all taught me by example the strength and grace of a beautiful soul.

Coco Chanel grew up in an orphanage creative and defiant.She revolutionized the world of fashion forver...Created the iconic Little Black Dress...Her Pearls and costume jewellery and the infamous classic 2.55 named so because of its launch in Feburary 1955...when you hold a bag today you are holding history...the secret pocket in the outside is where Coco used to hide her secret love letters from lovers the and chain reminded her of the chains on the bicycles in the orphanage.
Chanel No.5 revolutionized the world of perfume..when asked where to aplly it...Coco said "a perfume should only be placed where you would like to be kissed"...and When Marilyn Monroe was asked what she wore to bed she breathily replied..."Only Chanel No.5"..

Audrey Hepburn is the quirky part of me...I love her simple carefree spirit to life...her chic sophistication...her simple elegance and her optimism...when told she had cancer she replied...is that all? She was a great philanthropist and worked for the International Childrens Relief organization UNICEF passionately...she worked in the field...nursed sick children and reported on the suffering she saw in countries like Somalia.

Grace Kelly, like Jackie and Audrey continued to set the standard exemplifying what a real lady is about...She was an actress in Hollywood and starred in 11 movies before Her husband Prince Rainier of Monaco saw her and married her...She became Princess Grace of Monaco and her dress was simply stunning..She inspired Hermes to create a bag for her that she used to hide her first pregnancy..the Kelly bag is one of the most lusted in the world...its youthful...classy and on my wishlist for 2008 lol.

Winter chills

Im still learning how to get the hang of things technologically speaking...I still have to learn how to embed youtube videos and music players so I can get to share with you the mood Im in as I type my entries.

Ive been dubbed a technoblonde on the forum...its not my fault..As sexist as this sounds growing up barbies were for girls and computers were for boys...I was not in the least bit interested in getting all tangled up in weird wires and computer programs...My O levels came and I dreaded the end of year computer project we had to submit...it put me off technology for an extremely long time.

On the bright side...Im gearing up for my yearly vacation...yippy skippy :D I got my approval today and Im feeling absolutely fantabulous already..theres nothing like loads of me-time with a change in scenery and travelling to a place where you feel most in your element to lift the spirits and put the bounce back into your step...come december (YES!Its that long :D ) when I start work again Ill be skipping merrily down the hallways of that dreary dreadful place until they set me free and approve my resignation.

The first evening of my weekends are usually the most fun..I have all this energy that I cant wait to let out..I dim the lights...play my favourite weekend tunes...mostly those that remind me of weekends in another time..and I get dressed and think of a parallel life in history where I would be doing the exact same thing listening to the exact same tune...it feels so familiar yet so different..the past comes to terms with the future..and for those few minutes I let myself slip away into the back of my mind...allowing the familiar ghosts of the past to surround me and comfort me with mischief and laughter.

This is a track that soothes me no matter where I am..the bass...the vibes..its just sexy...I love playing it in the car on a long trip in the dark where its just the privacy of my thoughts and the beat...or in the background in my bedroom as I morph into a more stunning version of my doctor persona.

Daft Punk 'Something about us'.

My sister'sbirthday was a couple of days ago..it was one of the nicest evenings Ive had in a while..I had so much fun designing her birthday cake and I was extremely yippy skippy when it turned out perfect...she loves butterflies and I managed to incorporate that into what I had in mind...needless to say she cheered up immensely at the fact that her bday midweek didnt have to be boring.

Hysteria

Was just going through my music library..they say a perfume is a memory...evoking moments and stirring up feelings of times gone by...I believe the same applies to music..every song represents a time..a phase..a glimspe of the past..Im tuned to Def Lepards Hysteria...everytime it plays I find myself back in college..taking an afternoon drive when the stress of coursework was too much with my best friend and doing insane things just to vent it out..life wasnt care free...but we were free spirits...to this day it still tugs a half smile to curl across my lips as I find my thoughts continuing to reminisce down memory lane...
Another place...another time...another me.

Quite a while since Ive gotten back but yet I still feel out of my element...more like from the outside looking in.

I am glad to be home..Im glad for stability and newfound 'normalness'..I was hoping that I could create dreams and take my part in the world...I want to be the best surgeon that I can be...what began as a new adventure of hopes and dreams at work ended up in being the very bane of my existance and crippling me both as a person and a physician..I hope one day to help give professionalism a voice in an unprofessionally appalling system that thrives on a sick sink or swim basis and to each his own...Im tired of it of it all...I finally threw in the towel and decided to resign...So far...best decision of my life...

On a personal level...Although Ive never believed in the word cant...Ive tried and tried so hard to fit in and I just cant...literally Im a fish out of water..I miss diversity...I miss the thrill of feeling alive...I miss intellectual discussions...more precisely common sense...I miss tolerance and acceptance..I miss fun challenging experiences that allowed me to get to know myself better by allowing me to push my boundaries...you cant understand people until you know yourself...you cant function as a person unless youre a hundred percent honest with who you are and what you are...and you cant have peace of mind until youve accepted yourself and made peace with the whole package...the good...the bad...the ugly...because from that point on striving to be a better person becomes easier...youre equipped and able to handle the unexpected choices and challenges that life throws your way.

Its been daunting...some days I feel like Im disappearing...I dont want to get out of bed and Im not feeling so bubbly...I just want to hit the pause button and stand still in time...other days I think to myself like a mantra...baby steps...baby steps...theres some shiny rainbow that will appear and bring back all the magic that I used to see life through...as naive as it may seem..I still wont believe in cant...

Bitter lemonade

"Bitter lemonade on a cold summer day a sorry serenade but you said i neednt cry and if you should feel misunderstood maybe i could defer our first goodbye bitter lemonade our lives we paid for the moments we prayed together forever's a cliche and ever we say but never do we trust in forever to each is his own a clone of a heart and stone of adam&eve's unjust fairytales exist in the midst of a play in the fist of a game they call lust.. love will only be when we see the possibilities.. of sacrifice and for us i shall pray oh my bitter lemonade.. for sweet judgement day in Sweet Afterlife.."

Meyam.

My favourite poet in cyberspace...one of my favourite bestests..Meyam...ubertalented...uberfunny..and gets me like nobodys business...no judgement...just fun..lots of laughter and lots of her sassy no-nonsense attitude to life.
I adore Meyams poetry...and although my poetry has remained very private over the years..I gave in to the urge in me to immediately reply back one night...here is our collaboration...

A Promise
Meyam:
Help me understand this rollercoaster ride..of never ending madness you planted one inside....never did you tell those around me of your crime...i sometimes wish you had hands that drip of aided suicide....a face i'd recognize before the shake of hands....a walk around the city of Heartbreak... before the neighboring lands.... love if i were you i would seal the perfect deal....with a warning before attempt; hearts should be made of steel.
PinkChampagne:
Hearts indeed should be made of steel...numbness I wish to only feel..contradiction burns whats lost not found...Memories moments cocoon surround..Love..you haunt before sunrise..bring my senses back to life...will it fade will it rest..words and walls...no more pretence.

One of the most profound moments we go through are the moments we realize we lose...a state of being which forces us to question so much and reflect on the could be's and maybe's...I let go of a part of myself that could not be reclaimed because I didnt own it...its out there somewhere on its own....I believed in it and I still do...not in its outcome..but in its strength...its uncanny ability to stay put together even when my faith in it wavered...its given me resilience when I needed it...given me hope when I never realized that I had lost it...dispelled all my preconceived notions about how I thought I should be...gifted me with the most fantabulous times Ive ever had..and I decided to allow that happiness to enrich life by setting it free.
We all think each and every part of us belongs to us but thats not true...everyday we give parts of ourselves to others...our thoughts...our feelings...our patience...our time...we pass on lessons...we learn lessons..we create moments within our families...our friends...our workplace...sometimes those things stay with you...other times when its for a worthier cause you choose to let them go.

Rehab

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUpsX7ihHdY&mode=related&search=

"Pain comes in all forms...the small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain...The normal pains we live with every day..Than theres the kind of pain we cant ignore..A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else...makes the rest of the world fade away...Until all we can think about is how much we hurt.
How you manage your pain is up to you.
Pain.
We anesthetize..write it out...embrace it...ignore it.And for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it...
Pain.
You just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it, and life always makes more."

Bedtime thought:
Strength...often the knowledge that youre strong is what makes close ones take comfort in the fact that you'll be okay...sometimes thats a good thing...and sometimes...nothing in this world can make you feel more alone...

Utopia

I like being alone...I love the feeling...soothing thoughts...a world of reveries....a utopia not polluted with menial trivia of everydays humdrum existence.

Im lost in my own world these days...stressed would be an understatement...but this too shall pass...I recently resigned at work and it felt absolutely fantabulous...its just waiting the for the approval thats boring me..

In the meantime Im registering for my American Board exams to begin the first step of applying to the toughest surgery residency program out there to train me into becoming the best plastic surgeon I can be.

Ive also been reading alot this summer...my summer list was brimming with titles that I will continue to read through to early fall...

Im loving the Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini a raw and emotional story of a man who returns to his native Afghanistan still under Taliban rule to right a longstanding wrong and rescue his childhoods friend son..I cant wait for the movie adaptation thats due to be released this winter...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1Ivdc76nAY&mode=related&search=

Also interestingly is the book "The spiral staircase; My climb out of darkness" by renowed neosprituallyreligious author Karen Armstrong who gives readers a stunningly poignant account about the nature of spiritual growth.

And I absolutely cannot cannot stop without mentioning Elisabeth Gilbert's memoirs 'Eat...Pray..Love' a lighthearted but deep account of recovery...discovery and spiritual soul searching...her exuberance and witty humour had me laughing out loud as I followed her journey across the lush backdrops of Italy..India and Bali and reinspired my belief that passion will always be your guiding light.

Welcome to Insomnia

Tonight seems to be pretty slow and peaceful...been like that for a while...its a lazy summer and I eagerly wait for the begining breezes of winter...
I miss the snow...growing up there'd always be snow every winter and Id press my nose to the window as a child waiting for mom to go upstairs so that I could run off in the night and see if the snowman we built that day would come alive with magic....
I always wanted to grow up so that noone would ever tell me when to go to bed...here I am...wishing I had that childhood back...wishing those dreams and stories and fairytales really were true...when all wasnt well we would hide into our beds under the covers to a lullaby...
As adults we have the voices of our thoughts in the silence of another insomniac night..

Here are my memoirs...

To be or not to be

"Journeys end in Lovers meeting" Shakespeare.
I cant think of anything that perpetuated my romantic notions more than Shakespeare..Back in school I loved his sonnets..his poetry...his work..he fueled all idealistic fantasies in a very realistic world. I came to discover that passion was my secret to life...It helped me channel all my energy into doing all the things I believed in...allowed me to stand up for the causes I felt were worth fighting for and got me in loads of trouble countless times.. Passionate people are also very impulsive and thats a lethal combination. It didnt stop me...and I never learned...interestingly in the worst of times when Id be in the middle of some catastrophe..I realized he was right 'Though this be madness,yet there is method in 't '...I found out so much about myself...I questioned and I reflected...What I gained spiritually was worth the price I had paid...made the light shine a bit brighter and propelled me to carry on... Its so easy to take the safe route...stay in the safe zone and blend in...I did that alot after moving back here...So worried about the intensity of passion I had in me...didnt want to be misunderstood and labelled by my own..figured that I was doing the right thing...and convinced myself that I was now an adult starting a fresh page with a scheduled life...and that accepting that would be for the best.. 'Cowards die many times before their deaths'...It couldnt ring more true..honesty is not with other people...its with yourself...It took one incident to turn my world upside down and realize that everything Ive been striving for led me off the path that Id written for myself...I wasnt being true to myself...and in turn I'd always feel empty inside...By my own standards I had failed miserably... The path to greatness isnt that of achieving recognition...it isnt that of having material wealth...its a feeling of completeness. Its a connection..with yourself and the world around you...its showing courage when you least feel like it..its being true to the core and unleashing your passion to pave your own way..

Karma

I know this is a little early to be ticktocking but I cant help it...my mind has been a flurry of thoughts and inspirations..emotions tangled and weaved into my head...where does it all make sense in my soul?
I look into my coffee cup and stare at the glossy black liquid steaming in front of me...I watch the wisps of smoke come out and crawl up into the atmosphere slowly..delicately...stretching out into the air like a cat unfurling on its cushion...only to disappear quietly leaving behind its unmistakeable heady aroma to diffuse through the room as I write down my thoughts...before I absentmindedly comfort myself with another sip of my bitter drink lost in my own world..
I feel like Ive stepped out of my comfort zone...Im in a territory thats so new but so familiar at the same time...reminescent of days gone by...If I believed in it then I would think of it as a reincarnation of another time...another place...karma bringing me back full circle to discover what truth?..That I have yet to know...
The dreams we have are always different than reality...sometimes our dreams are divine creations from our innermost wishes...and sometimes reality surpasses our wildest expectations and makes all that we've ever believed in worth living for..And sometimes whats more important in life as we go through it is just having something to hold on to and hope for..

Passage through time

I turned my head and glanced at him. My eyes sparkled with amusement..."Im sorry to be poking holes in your bucket of self esteem...Maybe you should slip into something more comfortable...like a coma perhaps...You know...youre not alone...Im with you."

Excerpted from PinkChampagne's personal diary.

Interestingly complex..Life..in all its forms.

Interestingly intimate..Trust...Trust in a person...Trust is trusting that.
Interestingly Strange...The what ifs...knowing nothing...but still...
Wonder....Those who look for love even though they are convinced it doesnt exist. Reflection...Memories..Moments...private times that stay etched in the mind.
Nostalgia..Days gone by...lost memories of carefree nonchalance..innocent youthful arrogance..butterflies and heady anticipation.
Resilience...going to hell and back and standing on the other side.
Fact..Some are meant to be alone..always on the outside looking in..finding a niche when they realize they are their own best friends.
Truth..The heart cant be healed..Time doesnt heal..it teaches how to cope better.
Bittersweet...The place in time..the sanctuary that may be..but cant be...too raw to visit..
Denial..blocking and immunizing...allowing it all to fade away with the ashes of the past...becoming weary days and nights of solitude that pass into dreamless slumber.
Courage...When life takes a very different path...the unknown...because you cant go back to the path you once knew.
Spirit...when you cant go back to your safeground because youve changed...